[I couldn't miss the opportunity to post this. This is from Uncle Tim (on Patti's side, from Minnesota). Please don't blame me. I don't agree with them. Well, some of them are kind of true. Actually, most of them are on the mark.]
Lesson on Life ? from Uncle Tim
Learn to work the toilet seat. You?re a big girl. If it?s up put it down. We need it
up, you need it down. You don?t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor
Shopping is NOT a sport. And no we are never going to think of it that way
Crying is Blackmail
Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one. Subtle hints do not work!!
Strong hints do not work!! Just say it!!!!
Yes and no are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That?s what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments
become null and void after 7 days.
If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad
or angry, we meant the other way.
You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If
you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is
a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
If we ask what is wrong and you say nothing we will act like nothing?s wrong. We
know you are lying but what can we do about that?
If you ask a question you don?t want an answer to expect an answer you don?t want to
hear.
When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine and you look
good. Really.
Don?t ask us what we?re thinking, unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as
baseball, football, the shotgun formation, monster trucks etc...
You have enough clothes.
You have too many shoes.
We are in shape. Round is a shape.
Thank you for reading this; and for you guys that receive this and present this to
your spouse, you may have to sleep on the couch, but did you know men really don?t mind that; it?s like camping.
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