The Dobrindt Family

Dennis IV Update

What I failed to mention the other day was my miraculous efforts to save Dennis. After watching him struggle I administered CPR and gave him some medicinal beer. I then talked him through any issues he is having and by the next morning he was swimming around like a Red Sox fan walking home from Virgies after game 7 of the ALCS last year. He was swimming in and out of the submerged palm tree in the tank and has been healthy and active ever since.

Dennis the fourth lives on.

Dennis IV

Dennis the 3rd is going out fast. Patti and the kids are away and I noticed today that he was hanging out near the surface of the fish tank, upside down, gasping for air. I tapped the tank and that kicked him back to life. Later that day he was more upside down, if you can believe that, and he had a look of death in his eyes. I swear if he could talk through his fish mouth he would say that death was at his door with a black robe and sickle. Crap, I am going to have to get another stupid goldfish tomorrow at the Pet Rodeo. Both Emily and Ethan are into the fish now, even though Emily is showing less of an interest and Ethan looks like he wants to eat them. I need to run an investigation and find out what the cause of death was. Dennis held his own against Sally so it must have been something else, not sure what, maybe murder. I am going to find out, and if Sally was behind this, her ass is down the main-floor half-bath toilet. Believe it.

Not sure why this stupid lineage of fish has to die when I am home alone. I sometime wonder if I replaced the live fish with two plastic toy fish from the bath would anyone notice. Patti included. At least we wouldn’t have to buy goldfish flake food.

Stayed tuned for an update. Dennis is alive right now but fading fast. He lasted the longest so my heart is with him, the little scale-covered tike.

Italian Restaurant

So last night we went to dinner with a few clients and two of us from my company. Everyone who went to dinner knows each other really well and we are pretty much friends as well as colleagues. It was a really nice Italian place that was outside along a lake, an overall nice setting. The head of the table, the more senior member of my company, was given the wine list. All of a sudden, this guy started speaking in an Italian accent, and even starting using common Italian words. It went something like this…

Waiter (in real Italian accent): Would you like to choose a wine?
Colleague (in fake Italian accent): Si, I would, grazie.
Waiter (in real Italian accent): Here you are sir.
Colleague (in fake Italian accent, but worse): Grazie, buon uomo.

Later

Waiter (in real Italian accent): Have you made a choice?
Colleague (in fake Italian accent, but louder this time): Si grazie, I would like this one (points to a wine).
Me: Scott (name altered to protect the guilty), you’re Irish!!
Colleague (reverting back to his NY accent): Eff you, they like it.
Me: They are making fun of you at the captain station.

Later

Waiter (still in his real Italian accent): Would you like to order some appetizers
Colleague (fake accent getting worse, sounds like bad acting from a elementary school rendition of The Godfather): Si, we woulda lika some mooozzzerrelllaaaaa, and calamatttiiiiii per favore il friendo
Me: Scott, cut it out!
Colleague (NY accent getting heavier): Eff off, I am speaking their language.
Me: If we went out for sushi, would you take off your shoes put on a robe and speak with a Japanese accent? Maybe bow your head.
Another Colleague: Can we go for Mexican tomorrow so I can hear Speedy Gonzalez?
Another Colleague: We HAVE to go for Indian.
Another Colleague: If we get Chinese you must PROMISE to speak with an accent.

Later

Waiter (real accent still going on, brings the receipt): Thank you sir and have a good night.
Colleague (won’t give it up): Gratzie, ciao. Ita wasa buono.
Me: Let’s go Mario Brother.

Standing too Close

One thing that really bugs me are people who stand really close to me while waiting in line. Or worse, stand next to me. Example. While I was at the airport today, I was waiting in line to go through the security gauntlet, normally a completely inefficient process, but a necessary one. I just got into line when a man came up behind me and go so close that if he had a straw sticking out of his mouth he would have poked me in the back of the head. The line was after the security people check your ID but before the scanners and this yahoo was getting so close to me that I almost felt sexually harassed. I’ve seen love scenes with less contact. I looked back at him briefly to send him a “I hate you, back away” message through my menacing stare but I guess he didn’t get the message. Now, I would normally tell the guy to go ahead of me so I didn’t have to stand in line feeling uncomfortable, like this time Patti and I were waiting for some ride at Disney and this family of non-English speaking idiots were up our assess so much that we just let them go ahead to bug the next person in line. But I though to myself “Eff this moron, I am going to make him wait”.

The thing that was crazy was that as soon as we emerged from the narrow roped off corral, he cut in front of about 12 people to put his keys, wallet and watch on the conveyer belt and went through the metal detector. I wish that device had a button to press that would send a huge jolt of electricity through a person, just for a case like this.

Anyway, later I was standing in line at the gate to change my seat when another yahoo walked up behind me and instead of getting close behind me, he got close next to me. I never really understand this approach. I am in line, clearly in line, for about 5 minutes. There is only one line. He walks up and does he think that by standing next to me, he is somehow going to lull me into thinking he was in front of me. I just spent the last 5 minutes looking at the bald head of some fat guy in front of me, so I clearly know where I am in the order of things. So then the guy bumped into me. I am NOT JOKING. He was so close and huffing and puffing and looking around like he runs the freakin world, in his Run For The Night cheap give-away t-shirt and faded jeans and scuffed walking shoes, that he freakin bumped me. I gave him another deliberate disapproving glare that doesn’t seem to penetrate moron minds and purposely moved away from him, sending the message that while I staked the territory first and he entered it, I was willing to move a couple of feet to get away from his ugly ass.

So, the moral of this story is that unless you are a stunning tall blond with nice perfume, don’t stand so close to me. And even if you are a stunning blond, no matter how much you ride my tail, you are not getting in front of me. End of story.

Another Proud Moment at Fenway

Red Sox Nation had another shining moment last night at Fenway. Gary Sheffield went for a ball in the right field corner and a front row drunken idiot took a swipe at Sheffield’s face. Sheffield gave the guy a quick push and threw the ball back and immediately went at the guy but didn’t throw another punch. A park security guard jumped in between them and it was diffused.

First, let’s take a step back when two Red Sox managers got thrown out of the game. First it was one of Terry’s coaches, Ron Jackson, and then Terry himself. Getting throw out is fine, and arguing with the umpire is fine, but that nonsense from Jackson, with physically being restrained and carrying on like a steroid induced rage, is uncalled for. I like a good fight as much as the next guy, but only when I am expecting it. When I watch a baseball game or go to a game, I don’t want to see that crap. One day soon I am going to start taking my kids to games and the last thing I want them to watch is highly skilled and highly paid adults acting like 3 year olds. I don’t want my kids to see someone doing crack or selling drugs. I know they will understand those things one day, but as little kids there are some things that they don’t need to know about. And when I take them to watch the excitement of a major league baseball game, I don’t want them to see people who are viewed as authority figures having to be restrained and yelling EFF THIS and EFF THAT. I want them to see great baseball.

And then we had Chris House, a fan from Boston, take a swipe at Gary Sheffield. Once again the fans at Fenway, and its not all fans, sometimes it’s actual employees, cross the line and physically attack a Yankee player. I saw the incident live last night and about 30 times this morning on every single channel. While it wasn’t an Ultimate Fighting Challenge tryout, it was clearly a shot at the player. The guy was drunk (of course), stupid (he is a Red Sox fan) and tried to get a cheap shot in (again, a Red Sox fan). He didn’t try to knock out Sheffield but what he did was wrong. Gary, in turn, shouldn’t have went at the guy right away either. It was not as the CNN idiot-anchor said a “round house punch”, but it was uncalled for too. But it was a knee-jerk reaction and I probably would have done the same. This morning I saw CNN, Headline News, Fox News, NESN and the Today Show, as well as every local TV news program, describe the incident. As you can image it went from the guy did nothing wrong and Sheffield should be arrested (local programming) to Sheffield should be commended for showing restraint, which is crazy because taking a shot at the guy is not my definition of restraint.

This was an ugly incident but two things contributed. The first is the layout of Fenway. The fans are on top of the players and that is part of the charm. I love going to Fenway because, even with the terrible and uncomfortable seats, it’s a great place to see a game. The other thing is that typical Red Sox fans have no idea how to act when they are outside the confines of the group home most of them live in. When you take a third grade education level, throw in a typical day of drinking beer for breakfast, add the mob mentality of getting of the green line and walking toward Fenway, and combine that with the classless way of handling success, and lets be honest, Red Sox fans are not used to being considered winners, throw all these things together and you’ll get what happened last night. Thanks God it didn’t turn into a Ron Artist (another SJU guy, thank you) thing or what happened last year with the MLB player tossing a chair into the stands, but it was still embarrassing.

Doug Flutie. That's another thing. I like Doug Flutie as much as the next guy, but the guy is a stud around Boston, has a ton of money, is good looking, is a great athlete, and I have to watch him with his unbelievable seats catch fly ball after fly ball. Ugh. I think they should take every foul ball that get hit and instead of handing them to those rich kids who get to sit in the 250 dollar seats, have someone walk up to the cheap seats (ha, cheap, at fenway, I meant to say the less-ridiculously priced seats) and give them to the kids whose parents are Herald delivery people or Post Office employees or HVAC union members. Kids whose parents take them to one or two games a year because it’s a huge amount of money and they can barely afford the 25 dollar obstructed view seats. Give those kids the foull balls instead of the little spoiled brat of a Fleet executive who has a better seat than I’ll ever see.

Thank you, rant over.

Hubcaps on Storrow Drive

On my drive in to work each morning, there is a section when I come out of the Central Artery tunnel onto Storrow Drive that looks like a hubcap graveyard. When I first get onto Storrow, which I am on for a couple hundred yards, it bends along a high wall and over the winter it creates potholes about as deep as my bathtub. Because of the turn, cars can?t see the craters until they hit them. So right along this path there are probably 50 or more hubcaps, some cracked in half, some perfectly fine, almost all oddly propped against the wall like someone lined them up for a flea market. I notice that every now and then there are fewer caps than the day before so someone definitely picks them up. If the road wasn?t so dangerous and I was more hard up for money, I would stop and pick them up myself.

Just thought I?d share.

High School Monkey Slaves

The other day I was reading Paul?s blog and I forgot in what context it was mentioned, but he commented on the term ?monkey slave?. My first thought was that it would be a great school nickname, like the Moore Park High School Monkey Slaves. If I started my own high school, like Dobrindt Meadow High School, I would call our mascot, or whatever you call the nickname thing, the Monkey Slaves, not the bulldogs, wildcats or screaming eagles. Then I got to thinking about my own high school, Hicksville High School in Hicksville, NY, population 50,000. I was pretty active in high school with sports (football, lacrosse), student government (believe it or not, I was junior and senior class president) and social activities, so I used our mascot theme often. We were the Comets. The Hicksville High School Comets. Which, in hindsight, kind of stinks. The junior high is the Meteors. While in high school, I never really gave much though to it, but with the Monkey Slave thing I started to realize how odd of a name it is. I am kind of curious as to

1. How many high schools in the country use ?Comets?, and what is the most popular name?
2. Why did Hicksville use the ?Comets?. Why not the tigers, panthers, titans, farmers, islanders, etc. Why a chunk of frozen gasses, ice, and rocky debris that orbits the sun.

My first thought was that Haley?s comet was around when the school was formed, or some other comet. Or that Comet was popular when the school was formed. I?m not sure.

Who knows? Maybe I will never know. It?s not like there is some magical education tool that allows me to enter a word, term or phrase and I can access over 2 billion locations that might provide an explanation. Nothing like that around Boston that I know of. Too bad, it will continue to bug me.

Chris Shelton from the Apprentice

Chris Shelton from the current series of the Apprentice, the high-school-jock steroids-and-vodka nutcase lunatic, who almost hopped across the conference room table and attached George and Carolyn TWICE for giving him crap, was arrested.

Click here
or cut and paste the following link.
http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/0410051shelton1.html

The only thing that I am surprised about is that he was not arrested for attacking someone on the show.

What a nut. I am kind of wondering if he wins the contest though.

Click here for pictures of our trip to Minnesota in March for Patti's cousin Kara's wedding to Anand. Great trip.

Or cut and paste the URL below.

http://www.moveyourasana.com/David/pictures/GuptaWedding/index.htm

Conversation with someone at work today.

Colleague: Do you watch 'The Amazing Race'?
Me: No, that show is trash. Besides, I was too busy watching 'American Idol'.
Colleague: 'Lost' is Star Trek meets Gilligan's Island. But in a bad way.
Me: Very good. Very witty. I didn't ask you.

Cousin Kara's Wedding Pictures

Click here for pictures of our trip to Minnesota in March for Patti's cousin Kara's wedding to Anand. Great trip.

Or cut and paste the URL below.

http://www.moveyourasana.com/David/pictures/GuptaWedding/index.htm

Conversation at work

Conversation with someone at work today.

Colleague: Do you watch 'The Amazing Race'?
Me: No, that show is trash. Besides, I was too busy watching 'American Idol'.
Colleague: 'Lost' is Star Trek meets Gilligan's Island. But in a bad way.
Me: Very good. Very witty. I didn't ask you.