As instructed on my jury duty notice, I reported for duty this morning at the court house in Dedham, Massachusetts. I have been to jury duty twice before, once in NY and once in Massachusetts. I was never called for an actual trial and in fact have not done more than sit around waiting. My assumption for this morning was more of the same.
When I got to the jury room, which was on old court room, it was about 8:45 and the room was already pretty full. The court officer was on the far end of the room, near the front, and the entrance door was on the near side of the room, near the front. They had a TV going with some cheesy video on what it means to be a juror directly in front of the box the judge would normally sit in, so the line to check in ran directly in front of the TV. Those of us in line were smart enough to not block the TV, thus letting the zombies watch TV, or any one of us standing there in line. It kind of felt like the cattle line at a beef auction. The design of the check-in setup, and room in general, was poor, but hey, I was there to perform my civic duty, not redesign their check in procedure.
When it was my time to check in, I was told something fascinating ? that I would be in the ?Grand? jury pool, not just the regular jury pool. The first thing that ran through my mind was that I was privileged, special, part of the elite, or ?grand?, class. That the Massachusetts legal system wanted me, David Dobrindt, to play such an important part in the system. I wasn?t sure why I made the cut, but it must have been because of my intellect, intelligence, wisdom, charm and probably stunning good looks. Why else would they select me, out of thousands of others, to be part of this special group? I would soon learn that being on the grand jury might not be a good thing.
The court officer checking...
The court officer checking people in, a very pleasant woman, said I had about half an hour before I was needed so I could get coffee or something. I decided to go back to my car to listen to the radio and read or something. As I was walking behind the court house, I passed a sheriff?s prison transport van with some officers filling out paperwork. The doors to the back of the van were open but I could not see past the metal bars. As I was walking by, about 20 feet away, I heard
?Hey, if you break me out I?ll give you a million dollars?.
Another voice. ?I?ll give you two.?
At which point both of them laughed. I laughed too,on my way to freedom.
I came back to the room at 9:30 and this is when things turned painfully slow. I had to wait in another courtroom for more than an hour. Other than the uncomfortable benches, I didn?t mind because I got to read the paper, in silence, with a room full of complete strangers evenly spread out among rows of benches.
After about an hour they ushered those of us in the room, plus those in other rooms, back into the original room which was now vacant of the lowly jury pool people. I guess they want to keep the elite away from the masses. As soon as we sat down, they told us we were going to be moved across the street to the main courthouse. About 130 of us filed out of that room, crowded together, down the stares, out of the building, and across the street where the court officer held up traffic. Watching us cross the street must have been a site. Slowly shuffling our feet, awkwardly talking to one another, looking around confused. The only thing that distinguished us from a kindergarten class out for a walk was that we weren?t holding hands.
So we got into this other courtroom and were instructed by the assistant court clerk, a nice enough guy. He told us why we were there and what it means to be on a grand jury. He said
?Typically the petite jury serves on average for one day if they are picked for a trial. As a member of the grand jury, you will be required to show up every Wednesday and Thursday for a minimum of three months.?
It?s at this point I started paying attention. I wasn?t sure if I heard him right. Three months? Twice a week? And he didn?t say anything about ?if? we are picked, just that we, as grand jurors, are required to show up. Uh oh, I?m in trouble. While I would love to be in the position to hear testimony from a DA on a case, in secret (to avoid making public individuals who are accused of something but not indicted) and decide if there was enough evidence to bring it to trial, my job would have a hard time with it. I envisioned showing up two days a week for the next three months while I slowly lose my job.
When we checked in, we received a card with our name and a number. When it was time to pick for the grand jury, the clerk would call out a name and card number, and we would take our seat. He told us that if we had an issue, to request a discussion with the judge. Otherwise, just take our seat. I most definitely would be talking to the judge.
Quick note. Almost every court house I have been in, admittedly few, are very impressive buildings. They are made of marble and dark wood with intricate designs. They have tall ceilings with ornate decorations and huge rooms and hallways. It?s really impressive considering they are public buildings, which are usually known for their lack of style. I tried to think about why they would have been designed in such a way and could only presume that it was to impress those who are forced to go through the court system, and let?s be honest, people who are going through the courts for any reason at all are usually not doing it because they want to. I guess the government spent so much money to intimidate those who are not part of the court system. Not sure.
So about 130 of us sat there as the clerk called out one person at a time. At this point things went from painfully slow to excruciatingly slow. The guy called out ?Juror Sheila Blackwell, number 1 dash 1?, who quickly asked to talk to the judge. While the judge, someone else who I guess was an assistant DA, and the clerk had a hushed conversation, the rest of us sat there. I tried reading a paper but one of the polite yet firm court officers asked me to put it away. No ruffling of papers. The first 8 people called all had an issue and asked to talk to the judge. It was painful.
It was at this point I realized that after they got their 23 jurors, I would be free to go. Since my number, and I am not joking, was 60-06, I thought I had a great chance of getting off. Jurors didn?t have to be interviewed or screened by a lawyer, so if you wanted to be on and your number was called, you were in. That simple. The problem was that it seemed like every person wanted a discussion with the judge, who let them off the hook. Those lucky bastards. But after the first 8, things started to move a little quicker, about the pace of church when your 9.
I think overall 1 out of every 3 or so went to the juror seat without an issue. It was strange but it kind of went in streaks, like the quality of my jokes. There was one stretch where 10 people asked to talk to the judge followed by 4 straight non-issue jurors. Since I had nothing to do but watch and day dream, I practiced the plea I was going to use when I had my shot at the judge and tried to guess why certain people were asking to be let out of service.
Me: ?Judge, my company needs me so bad that they might fold if I miss more than two days in one month. If I have to be on this jury, I would be forced to act disruptive and indict every single person I see?
Young lady with giant behind: ?Judge, sitting in these small chairs is going to hurt my huge ass?
Tired looking older guy with untucked shirt: ?Judge, this will interfere with my noontime drinking?
Tough looking black guy: ?Judge, I hate the white man?
Well dressed middle aged Asian woman: ?Judge, unless you can pay me 500 bucks an hour, my private real estate law practice is more lucrative?
Really old Italian looking woman: ?Judge, I can?t promise I can stay awake all day?
Hippy looking young woman with ugly orange poncho: ?I believe is legal marijuana?
I was so bored I even started imaging what the judge was saying.
Judge: ?So you own your own deli and business would suffer without you? Tell me, is Winnie the Pooh male or female??
Judge: ?You want off because you need to stay home to take care of your elderly mother? Tell me, how exactly does one get knighted??
Judge: ?If I let you out service to fly to India to attend your nephew?s wedding that I?ll have to let that guy sitting in the third row off for being ugly?
Anyway, thank the good Lord above that they finally hit their 23 mark, thanked us for sitting there all morning, and let us go. I am not sure why they didn?t just ask people who had no issue to raise their hand and choose 23 out of that group, sparing all of us the morning. Since they were going in numerical order, taking everyone who was willing to serve and there seemed to be no demo or social graphic makeup requirements, I think they could have picked a jury much easier. I am sure there are people who would love to sit on a jury and get paid 50 bucks a day plus expense.
It was an interesting morning and I am now done for the next few years.
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