One thing that really bugs me are people who stand really close to me while waiting in line. Or worse, stand next to me. Example. While I was at the airport today, I was waiting in line to go through the security gauntlet, normally a completely inefficient process, but a necessary one. I just got into line when a man came up behind me and go so close that if he had a straw sticking out of his mouth he would have poked me in the back of the head. The line was after the security people check your ID but before the scanners and this yahoo was getting so close to me that I almost felt sexually harassed. I’ve seen love scenes with less contact. I looked back at him briefly to send him a “I hate you, back away” message through my menacing stare but I guess he didn’t get the message. Now, I would normally tell the guy to go ahead of me so I didn’t have to stand in line feeling uncomfortable, like this time Patti and I were waiting for some ride at Disney and this family of non-English speaking idiots were up our assess so much that we just let them go ahead to bug the next person in line. But I though to myself “Eff this moron, I am going to make him wait”.
The thing that was crazy was that as soon as we emerged from the narrow roped off corral, he cut in front of about 12 people to put his keys, wallet and watch on the conveyer belt and went through the metal detector. I wish that device had a button to press that would send a huge jolt of electricity through a person, just for a case like this.
Anyway, later I was standing in line at the gate to change my seat when another yahoo walked up behind me and instead of getting close behind me, he got close next to me. I never really understand this approach. I am in line, clearly in line, for about 5 minutes. There is only one line. He walks up and does he think that by standing next to me, he is somehow going to lull me into thinking he was in front of me. I just spent the last 5 minutes looking at the bald head of some fat guy in front of me, so I clearly know where I am in the order of things. So then the guy bumped into me. I am NOT JOKING. He was so close and huffing and puffing and looking around like he runs the freakin world, in his Run For The Night cheap give-away t-shirt and faded jeans and scuffed walking shoes, that he freakin bumped me. I gave him another deliberate disapproving glare that doesn’t seem to penetrate moron minds and purposely moved away from him, sending the message that while I staked the territory first and he entered it, I was willing to move a couple of feet to get away from his ugly ass.
So, the moral of this story is that unless you are a stunning tall blond with nice perfume, don’t stand so close to me. And even if you are a stunning blond, no matter how much you ride my tail, you are not getting in front of me. End of story.
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