Massage

Massages

I got a massage last Friday that Patti set up as a gift. Overall I do not like massages. Let me explain…

1 – First, I am uncomfortable being almost naked in front of a strange woman. Well, maybe not “strange”, but a stranger. This should come as comfort to my wife. I don’t even like to take my shirt off in front of a female doctor. Not that I am shy, I have a rock solid body that even Chuck Norris would be envious of, but to lie on a table with a woman rubbing her hands all over me makes me uncomfortable, even if that is what they do for a living. And forget having a guy do it, no way. I have had three massages in my life previous to last Friday and all of them have been women and it will stay that way.

2 – Usually massages are part of an overall “spa” experience with earthy kind of feel. Soft music playing and waterfall sounds and all that nonsense. I am not the most open minded when it comes to holistic healing and the power of zen and that stuff, so put me almost naked on a bed with butterflies painted on the walls and throw in a woman touching me all over, and I don’t like it.

I love the feel of a massage, I mean who doesn’t, and love when my wife rubs my shoulders or when a physical therapist used to work on my arm in college. The massage the other day was a good experience because it was part of a fitness program type place with chiropractors and physical therapists. It wasn’t in a spa setting and had more of an athlete getting help feel. Plus, the massage was more of a deep tissue thing where the woman tried to work out deep knots and left me sore the day after.

I am done with massages for now. Next time Patti and I are on vacation and she wants to get one, she can have a field day and I’ll either work out or sit and have a drink, both things that would relax me more than having a woman I never met rub oil all over my body while the sound of ping pong balls dropping into a wicker basket plays in the background and field-of-lilies candles burn on the shelf.